I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize