Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize