There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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