omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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