I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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