the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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