A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
