DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
