you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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