and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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