Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
