those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
