So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
third nipple confirmed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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