the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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