So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
