don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
