I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
