mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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