My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
