i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
