I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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