8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
