White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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