so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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