A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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