It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
