I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
