week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The beer is more important than you right now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
