its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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