oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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