What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
