Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
