Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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