My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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