You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he puts the penis in happiness.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
