what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
