I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
