worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
