We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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