We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
