Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
our cab driver is having phone sex.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
