Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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