How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
