I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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