Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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