My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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