I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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