They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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