pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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