Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
