so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
that is very illegal...i love you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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