i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
