Swine flu. Run for my life!
Small penises have feelings too.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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