I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
