Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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