That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think my vagina is haunted
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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