I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
