Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
