who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
