i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
