I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
