Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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