If i come over, it means nothing
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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