Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
