HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
