I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize